Sunday, January 6, 2019

     26 weeks today. Only 2 more to my first big goal. Starting to really get things together for both her birth and recovery period. My bag is packed and her bag is packed.  Started getting some stock piles of things for the kids.

     At the most we have 7.5 weeks left. The surgeon really doesn't want to pass 33.5 weeks. Hopefully will know a little more after next week's ultrasounds and 3 appointments.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

     So, they rescheduled my 7th appointment to the 14th. They want us to meet with whole team on the same day. This is definitely more convenient. We will be 27.1 weeks at that appointment. Praying all looks well. We will be 6 days from what has always been my first goal of 28 weeks. 15 days from the 30 weeks that I will be super thrilled if we make it to.

     Kalani has gotten super active. Olan has been able to feel her for about 2 weeks and now you can watch her moving from the outside, too. It is reassuring to know she is growing and doing well. Trying to savor every kick and turn.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

     A new year. What a terrifying start it is presenting with. Always before I  have hoped to see financial gains, weight loss, the typical new years goals. Nothing typical is in my head today.

     Today I look toward this new year and hope to celebrate birthdays and holidays throughout the year. I hope to actually meet my new daughter and not just give her life. I want to make plans and know I'll be here to carry them thru.

     I really am trying to stay positive and have faith. It's easy to tell someone to be strong and it will be ok. I have said to others numerous times. But, sometimes that hope falters and it's really hard to gather up and grab back onto it.

     I think it just is really hard to be anticipating an event that should be filled with joy and happiness instead filled with fear and so much unknown.  My sweet Kalani is going to be such a wonderful gift to her whole family. I know this and to this I must cling on these hard days.

Monday, December 31, 2018

     December 11th we go in to UAB high risk for evaluation. The only good news we receive is that the baby looks perfect. I do in fact have placenta acreta. We are told there is about an eyelash between my placenta and my bladder. The doctor tells us I will need open abdominal surgery. 100%  chance of hysterectomy, 100% will have partial bladder removal, 100% will have 1 -2 nights minimum in SICU, 100% will need blood transfusions. The baby will go to NICU as we are not allowed to go past 34 weeks. They seem very doubtful we will make it that far. In fact at this appointment we are 22.2 weeks and they seem to think 24 weeks is optimistic.
      I am told there will be around 10 doctors in my delivery. I am told it will be in main OR. Olan will not be allowed in with me. I may or may not get to meet my baby..if the right anesthesia team is on they will let me be awake for delivery then be put me out for the up to 6 hour surgery to try and repair and put me back together. It is repeatedly said that this is a life threatening pregnancy for me.

     Before we leave we are referred to an oncology gyn surgeon. They will do operation as blood loss is anticipated to be great and they have experience in handling this. It is clear on ultrasound the problem area is very vascular.

     The 13th we meet with surgeon. We desperately want to hear some good news. In fact, I ask if anything could look less bleak. We are told no, she actually has more bad news. She tells us I will need possibly up to 20 units of blood along with plasma and platelets. I will have a catheter hopefully no more than two weeks. She does not feel co.comfortable going all the way to 34 weeks.  Once again, life threatening said several times.

     I decide that since I will not be with Olan at delivery that he should go ahead and reveal gender. We go out for a nice meal the following Saturday and see It's A Wonderful Life at the Alabama Theatre. I find out my sweet miracle is a baby girl. We decide on the name Kalani which means of the heavens and Mikelle which means miracle. Because, our little Kalani Mikelle is truly going to be a miracle of the heavens.

     Today I can proudly say we are 25.1 weeks along. So far, no bleeding or any other risk signs we have been warned about. We know things can change in a moment, but we are holding hope. Our next goal is 26 weeks which will be this coming Sunday.


     So, our journey began in August 2018.  I had been feeling dizzy for a week. I decided to take a pregnancy test on a whim. I fully expected a negative. After all Olan had been diagnosed medically sterile and I was exclusively breastfeeding our youngest, Gideon. Much to my surprise a very faint second line appeared. I was in total shock.

     Due to our traumatic delivery less than a year before I immediately called to setup an appointment. I had no idea how far along I would be as I hadn't returned to normal cycles. I still wasn't sure it wasn't a fluke even after multiple positive tests.

     I went in and saw my doctor and had a dating ultrasound which showed a sac but not much more. They requested I return in 5 days. The next week there she was with a beautiful little heartbeat flickering away.

     From the beginning I was labeled high risk. With a placental abruption less than a year in the past we knew we would be closely monitored. We did weekly ultrasounds the first 4 weeks then biweekly. At 12 weeks we went to monthly. Originally baby seemed to be funneling towards previous c-section scar, but then moved away and that area narrowed then closed. We thought we were in the clear.

     We had genetic testing and all came back clear. Olan found out gender as he had with previous 2 and planned to prepare nd surprise me at delivery. We were getting excited. It was scary, but exciting. Doctors repeatedly said baby was a miracle from a higher power. We were given the odds of 1 in 300,000. Yes, this was our miracle gift.

     Finally, it was time for our anatomy ultrasound. This was done at 20 weeks 2 days. As usual baby was curled up like a hedgehog. She tended to always have knees on forehead and loved to stay in a tight curled up ball. We call her Hedgie due to this. Ultrasound took a while due to her positioning.

     Doctor came in to go over results. She told us baby looked great. But, my placenta appeared to be dangerously close to my bladder. She referred us to a maternal fetal medicine ( MFM) specialist for a better ultrasound and to confirm findings. This was the start of the fear.